Monthly Archives: April 2011

Ten (7) Ways a Sexy Grant Writer May Indulge in Spring

Spring has sprung around California in a BIG way.  Life is springing forth all over the landscape!  Pollen is pouring out, squirrels are wildly pursuing each other, hawks are doing naughty things on the telephone wires; it’s a lavish display of nature’s renewal and reproductive energy.

What can a sexy grant writer do but respond to all that – well, ENERGY? Here are ten ideas to spark your own spring squirrel chase and high wire act.

  1. Buy a kite and take another sexy grant writer with you to fly it. Remember to take someone with longer string to fly higher.
  2. Pack up the picnic basket and hike into a grassy meadow for a bucolic afternoon. Remember the sunscreen so you don’t end up re-creating that scene from “A River Runs through It.” (Oh come on, rent it already…Brad Pitt is in it.)
  3. Grab your fishing pole, grab your honey’s hand, and hike up your favorite stream. Remember to forget your swim suits!
  4. Dust off your beach umbrella, hose down your boogie board, and bleach your huaraches (so they’re springtime fresh) and head for the beach. Be sure to apply sunscreen every hour – to each other – until you’re out of sunscreen – or in need of privacy.
  5. Plant a vegetable garden with that sexy grant writer to eat healthy and eat up loads of vitamins for stamina and vigor in preparation for those wah-wah-licious long nights of summer to come.
  6. Drive out to the wine country (no matter where you live in California, it’s not far [except in Death Valley]) and go wine tasting, eat some gourmet cheese and crackers, then hand feed that sexy grant writer some luscious red ripe grapes.
  7. Take the catamaran from Long Beach to Catalina and stroll around  Avalon for the afternoon sipping cold cocktails by the shore. Then rent a bungalow for the night and take a moonlight horse ride across the island and let the moonlight and the bottle of wine take its natural course you sexy grant writing beasties.

OK, so I was supposed to write ten but now you went and got me all worked up and there’s spring weather outside and somewhere in the breeze outside there’s someone looking for this sexy grant writer.  I’m heading off to the wine shop now, see y’all in Catalina!

Sexy Grant Writer Accessories

We searched for outrageously sexy accessories that all sexy grant writers will want to maintain that  SGW aura. Each of these accessories by themselves could produce some white hot grant writing sexiness, but taken all together…well, forget about it, it’s too steamy to talk about here.  This is a family blog.

The O.R.B.  – A Super Sexy Bluetooth Phone Accessory

ORBIf that special guy hasn’t given you the rock yet, here’s a way to put that vacant real estate to good use. It’s called the O.R.B. and it’s so sexy your grants will be pre-funded. It’s a ring, it’s a Bluetooth, it’s pure logic model sexiness.


Sign up online to be the first Sexy Grant Writer to get one at an estimated $129.



Kempler & Strauss Sexy Phone/Watch (The name’s…Bond… Grant Bond…)

Perhaps this accessory is more in tune with male sexy grant writers unless you’re an ultra chic and fashion-forward female strutting on the high risk/reward lights of the runaway.

A watch – that’s a phone – that’s a watch.  Yes it’s Bluetooth enabled and even interacts on the road with your sexy wheels.

See it online here.



Vivienne Tam’s HP Butterfly Lovers Digital Clutch

A sexy grant writer can always raise the startle factor just by walking into the grant planning meeting in a Vivienne Tam dress, but how about adding a hot HP Digital Clutch? A sexy grant writer knows how to break the spell of iPad dittoism sweeping the world.

Visit Vivienne’s Site here!










Noon Solar Hand Bags

Sexy Grant writers set trends across the fashion spectrum and this ultra-green power solution is one more way a SGW can shrink their sexy carbon footprint. There’s a battery in the bag (3 oz) it’s charged on the outside is a paper thin, flexible, waterproof solar panel. The solar panel charges the battery pack to supply power for your cell phone or iPod, day or night. (No, it won’t power your laptop just yet.)

Get your sexy solar hand bag here!



High tech accessories, now that’s sexy!


Top Seven Ways to Spot a Sexy Grant Editor

An important aspect of being a successful grant writer is finding a great editor.  A sexy grant writer can’t use just any editor, consistency demands that we use a sexy editor or we risk writing that is horribly – shall we say, uninspired. Face it, sexiness meshes well with sexiness, so choose a sexy grant editor or you risk throwing water on your sparks.

The sexiness of an editor may be subtle so we’ve come up with some hints to help you spot one.

  1. Behind Jordana eyewear, a sexy grant editor can tell you how awful your draft is while you eat it up like hand-fed sweet grapes lying on a chaise by the pool at Bellagio.
  2. Sipping a triple shot non-fat soy latte after 24 hours of writing you’re rigidly riveted by a lecture on appropriate use of the comma splice.
  3. You enjoy her description of your parallel structure as hideously parabolic while your chin rests on your hands admiring her Nude-As-Naked toenails showing through her Pikolinos Maracaibo’s.
  4. You love how her yummy peach-tinged lipstick matches the highlighter she painted all over your grant narrative.
  5. It’s titillating how she tugs on your dangling participles and her insistence on grinding out active copy is not negotiable.
  6. Grant writers at 24 Hour Fitness comment on your renewed motivation to narrow your margins and trim your ending.
  7. The scalloped fringe of her Dolce&Gabbana dress makes the fact that your program design is completely unintelligible an entirely enjoyable revelation.

You must be prepared for a little rough treatment when you share your narrative with a sexy grant editor but why choose bland when sexy is more interesting?