Grant Writers are people too, even if we’re exceptionally sexy ones. We enjoy the simple things in life like everyone else. We like the early-bird breakfast for $2.95 and we’re annoyed when we see the bill and realize that coffee wasn’t included. We enjoy a sunny day as much as the next person even though we have little time to get out and enjoy the sunshine. The point is that we’re regular people – exceptionally attractive, true enough. We’re just normal folks, so there’s no need to treat us differently.
Here are some examples of how you can suppress your natural desire to faun all over any grant writer you encounter:
- Flight attendants may smash our elbows with the beverage cart like you do to everyone else.
- Coffee house waitresses may splash coffee all over our reading materials.
- Maitre de House of Pancakes may seat us at the booth next to the hairy-shouldered, bare chested dude in overalls and his screaming, drippy-nosed kids.
- Grocery shoppers don’t need to take one side for us, just park that cart smack –kattywompus- dab in the middle and block the aisle.
- Car rental agents don’t need to fill the gas tank with gas for us before we pick up the car. Truly, we’re perfectly OK with driving around strange cities looking for gas stations in the dark, our natural glow will light our way.
- Hotel desk attendants should not feel the need to hold a room with a view or near the elevators for us, we’re OK schlepping our bags half a mile across the parking lots at night to the room with a new zip code. You know the one, it’s right under the room occupied by the visiting high school wrestling team next to one where a 21st birthday celebration is being held by a budding rapper.
- Post office workers don’t have to walk any faster for us, smile, act like they’re happy to see us, or offer us coffee and donuts on china with doilies. Honestly, we can handle being treated like Siberian coal miners the same as everyone else in the Republic.
Grant Writers know we’re celebrities but we ask that our groupies and paparazzi play it cool and not clog the streets when we’re out (and will our stalkers please bring back our lawn gnomes?).
We don’t like to rub our grant writer status in anyone’s face. We don’t need special treatment. We like to blend in, fly under the radar, but we do look spectacular in flight. So everyone please relax in our presence, as you were.